Why am I here (2)?

The funny thing about my checking out of the monologue is that actually, I really did make a big step with my Dad. For quite some time there was one specific thing I was stuck with, a question I wanted to ask him. In his excellent book "Manhood", child psychologist Steve Biddulph recommends every man to get his father alone and ask him what it was like for him growing up.

A simple question, but I was having a lot of difficulty asking it. (Hence the embarrassment, I guess.) I came up with some great excuses - getting him to talk about his past would be like pulling teeth, he just wouldn't get it, he wouldn't have anything to say for himself anyway, and I'd never be able to get him away from my stepmother in the first place. So I never even raised the question of raising the question.

Until I did, one weekend last November. I just asked him if he wanted to have lunch, just the two of us. And hey, he said yes. We lunched, we talked. He told me about his childhood, growing up having adventures in the Lake District during the war. He told me about the places the family went for Sunday lunches, and how his dad took him to work with him in the school holidays. We talked of other things too. Dad had been doing some digging around into the family tree. We've known for some time that his grandfather was from Barden Towers - now it turns out the Listers have been there for at least a thousand years. He's also discovered that the Listers of Barden Towers are mentioned in an account of the Battle of Flodden in 1513. Looks like I'm not the only history geek in the family after all.

What I discovered, in a scales-falling-from-eyes sort of a way, was that there's so much of me in him. We've got so much in common. I always knew he's an outdoorsy sort, like me. But what I saw that day was that what we share is not just an appreciation of the outdoors. It's something deeper, more innocent and joyful; a relish for the spirit of discovery and adventure it represents.

All from one simple question. Guys out there, I urge you to do the same.