Tyrants, intentions and parents

I went to see 'The Last King Of Scotland' yesterday, a very powerful and moving film. I found it provoking thoughts about all sorts of things, and also connecting a lot of lines of thought.

One thing that really surprised me was that in a curious way I found myself feeling a certain sympathy with the character of Idi Amin. Let's be clear, the film version of Amin is a brutal man, and the assumptions I brought into the cinema with me about the real-life man were ranged entirely against him. He and his atrocities were a prominent topic when I first became aware of news and current affairs as I grew up, so for me he's always been one of the first people I think of when dictators, oppressive regimes and human rights abuses come up in conversation.

Nevertheless, watching the film I found I could believe there was a possibility that the film's Amin had at least begun with good intentions; that he had not come to power with the sole intent of brutalising his country and his countrymen. At one point he describes himself as the father of his people, and this opens up an interesting parallel: the tyrant as father, the father as tyrant.

Amin's experience of leadership was of constantly being on the verge of completely losing control, with possibly catastrophic results. His repeated excesses were panicky, knee-jerk reactions. He went too far in the hope that a heavy hand would stamp out the threat to his control; his response to this policy's lack of success was to make the hand heavier. These words could easily be used to describe a great many people's experience of parenting, at least in some measure.

Most, maybe all, parents are capable of being tyrannical as a knee-jerk reaction - I know I am. I've had my moments where I've snapped into a sort of automatic response mode in which I just want to make Fred do what I say. I notice it happens in moments when something inside me panics and says 'I don't know how to do this! I'm trapped!' and it's as if by raising my voice I can fight/flight my way out of it. There was a boy at my school who, when tormented, would lash out randomly, flailing his arms and yelling and growling: in a way, it's a bit like that. Responding to the danger of losing control by letting go of control.

What goes completely out of the window when this happens is the purpose, direction or intention that's behind being a parent. Unless that intention is to raise a child - no, a person - who lives, thinks and behaves entirely according to parental prescription, regardless of inconsistency, abitrariness, or hypocrisy, and does so out of fear. I don't think any of us have that intention at all. The trick would appear to be to stay in touch with the intention, and not get sucked into battling for control.